Hopping off my highhorse.

Hello blog, haven’t talked with you in a while – I apologize.  Ha.

Kay, so here is a little bit about myself; I have the mentality of I’m better than you go away.  If I don’t hold you close to me then you pretty much don’t matter.  Those that know me well know that I have this ginormous ego that I carry around on my shoulders.

Well.  I’m beginning to think that this is an issue.

It’s funny, I tell myself and people that I turn my arrogance and my egotistical mindset into confidence, trying to justify everything because we all know that people don’t like arrogance.  I have this attitude that I don’t care about what people think, that I don’t wear masks, that I don’t have a shield up around myself and my heart.  Well here is the reality of Pat:

My “ego” is my shield, my guard – it’s all a front.

I was talking to someone that I’ve just met recently and have gotten pretty close with and saying that yeah, God has brought his spiritual 2×4 to the back of my knees before, and with a simple reply from her “then you’re not on a high horse.”  I’ll admit, it was a slap in the face for me.  Who does this girl think she is telling me that I’m not up there?  That I’m not put together as well as I portray?  It was sad, all I could reply with was silence.   I, the person that has the answer to everything, so I thought, had no counter, no retaliation to this simple little statement.  I have to thank her though – that simple little statement hit home for me.  Made me realize that I do have this front up, that I’m not as put together as I thought.  I am human, I have the same issues, same struggles as everybody.

When it comes to making decisions I base it off what’s going to make me happiest in the moment – but I’m a Youth Leader, a Worship leader; how hypocritical of me!  To show my face in front of these students and try and get them to follow God and live the life style they should be when I don’t even do it?  My actions, my thoughts, my language, what a joke, right?

My attitude needs some tweaking, and it’s happening.  I need to be more humble.  I want to be humbled, and I was a little tonight.  To have my plans on things regarding my feelings changed, but not for Pat this time, but for someone else.  And oddly, I’m okay with what’s going to be happening from this point on with the matter at hand, (the few people that know what I’m talking about will understand.)  I’m not one to be patient, ha, even the thought of myself being okay with waiting on anything makes me laugh because it just isn’t me.  And to be totally okay with waiting on this, and allowing God to work how He has things planned instead of what I was wanting just blows my mind and says a lot I think.  It’s time for me to take to heart what I preach to others in any situation like this – what is suppose to happen will happen.  So why worry myself, ya know?  I’m scared a little bit, I’ll admit – but as long as I remind myself that God is in control of everything and whats suppose to happen will then I’ll be okay.

Sorry this entry has been all weird and confusing.  If you want to talk about anything in it for some reason then you can contact me on Myspace or AIM.

Myspace – http://myspace.com/digitaldreamxr

AIM – ayy yoitspat

2am.

So it’s two in the morning, I’m sitting here installing Joomla, eating a lettuce and tomato sammich and listening to an infomercial about inspirationtoday.com.  They bring on a choir from South Eastern and oh my goodness!  They start singing and Worshiping God and it’s so awesome.  They’re getting into it, I’m getting into it, and you know that feeling you get when something awesome happens, that tingly feeling that gives you chills; I think it’s the Holy Spirit moving through someone but it’s such an amazing feeling.

Worship can be anything as long as it’s praising God, but if I had to choose one to be my favourite it would have to be through music.  Whether you’re by yourself just jammin’ out or leading a group of believers in praising God it’s such an awesome feeling.  To close your eyes and sing loud or to strum a guitar with Glory to God.  To give all your passion and desire to him through music, to feel the Holy Spirt just consume you right there in the moment; that’s how we should be living our lives.

I look around sometimes at people in my Church and see people justa singin’ away with their hands in the air, totally what looks like Worship.  Then to see those same people outside the Church with their peers and family; it amazes me at the two different people; the words coming form their mouth, the actions they’re throwing up with their hands, knowing what they’re planning on doing.  It just boggles my mind how one can be in what looks like the total state of Worship then leave it at the parking lot as they go to sit down in their car.

1 I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I wanna be like David!  He says “I will Bless the Lord at ALL TIMES and His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Not just standing at the pue but all times!  That means even during the bad times when we think life is unfair and we have it worse than everyone else or when we’re out hanging with the guys, doing laundry, grocery shopping; At All Times.

Here’s my favourite part: Oh!  Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.  Magnify God’s name with me, praise His name with me and let us exalt, to raise higher than everything else, together!

Anyway, off to bed.

:]

Come on now stay.

” You can see the only way of falling down,
Is when your looking everywhere,
So far from this, you can live,
So far from this. “

Lyrics from Jeremy Camp’s – Stay.

How true are these words?  The only time we fall away from God is when we’re not looking to Him for things.  When we’re too busy getting caught up in worldly things and trying to live life how we see fit.  See, that’s the problem, that’s when we fall; when we try living our life how WE want to when we should be living life by God’s Word and how he wants us to.

God is a loving God and he set standards for us for a reason; because he loves us.  He made us to love Him and to Live for him.  The word Christian means little Christ; we are to be like God and the only way to go about doing so is that we have to live for Him and give everything we have to Him and have faith that he’ll take care of it because he’s a loving God!

Ephesians 1:3 (ESV)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,

Praise God!

First ever blog. Back to God.

Hm, so this is the first time I’ve ever blogged about anything.  I have been wanting to possibly start doing so for a little while now but just never gotten around to doing so.  I’m not too too sure how to do this but I reckon I’ll give it a shot.

Kay, so here it goes:

So about nine months ago I decided I didn’t want anything to do with Christianity or God.  This was a little after I had ended my almost two year relationship with my ex.  I just wanted to do things on my own, ya know?  I wanted to live life without worrying about whether God approved of it or not.  So, I, well, I guess you can say I jumped off the path of God and ran the other way as fast as I could and never looked back.  Bad language and smoking came back for a reunion.  That was all fine and dandy for the time being.  And I will even go as far as to say that even without God in my life I managed to be happy.  But as time went on negative things starting taking a bigger toll on life.

So the past few weeks my running away from God had been slowing down and I started to look back more often at the life I use to live when I was with God.  When I was living for Him, by his word.  I started to realize that yeah, I was able to be happy but there was this hole, a void that needed to be filled, that nothing else seem to be able to satisfy; a God shaped whole.

About a week ago I decided that it was time I stepped back onto the path to God.  It was time that I started living for the one true being that never left me, never gave up on me and would never leave me, the Almighty God.

How awesome is God?  He will always bring his children back to Him even if it does mean letting them fall hard and he’s there to meet them with open arms to welcome them back to the truth as our loving Father.

God Bless. :]